Investing In Your True Self …If Not Now, WHEN?
I wonder what would happen in your life if one day you said:
“Enough! It’s time for me! I am going to take time out to go in and find myself and what really matters!”
What would happen if — when the “nay saying voice of reason” came in and filled your head with all the justifiable reasons that you cannot possibly take the time, spend the money, or leave your family obligations for a 3-4 days to retreat from the world and to reconnect with you — if you consciously overrode that seeming logic, and took the “Illogical leap of faith” to invest (for once) in yourself, in your spirit, in listening for life’s deepest meaning and purpose?
How and why is it that we invest ourselves and our short life span in hundreds of things each day, but by and large ignore or sweep aside the space to simply be alone with ourselves, to sit and commune with our own silence and the longing of our hearts? How is it that we have given up honoring our own life in this way? (Can you see the dishonoring in this?)
As one who has lived through my own struggles, many mistakes, grievances, addictions, dark night of soul despair and spiritual awakening — and having now worked with hundreds of women and men who come to retreats with me for personal spiritual guidance and to learn the life-changing SoulArts tools for finding and following one’s own wisdom in every day real life — I wish to offer you this:
You are absolutely not alone!
Not in your questions, your overwhelming sense of obligations, your feelings of unworthiness, or the fear of what you might have to face in yourself if you were to invest in your own personal growth retreat or apprenticeship with a spiritual mentor.
Each one of us carries an early wound inside that has, at least in part, shut us down from remembering and expressing our true self. Each of us has places we feel guilt and shame over our failures and mistakes. Each of us has feelings of betrayal and grief. We each have insecurities that we cover over with our “makeup masks” and persona’s that we put in place to hopefully make us more likeable (aka safe). Each of us has very likely felt the fear of financial ruin and becoming a helpless, destitute “bad lady” (or man).
What I have come to realize from my life work as a spiritual teacher is that people who are not in this line of work don’t have the actual experience and benefit of seeing how true it is that you are not alone in your secret most inner feelings of self-doubt. These are universal feelings arising from an over investment and unconscious attachment to the ego-self and a lack of life-growing investment in the inner wisdom and unique language of the soul. These rational reasons and fear thoughts which stem from an unconscious over investment in our identities are, in fact, the invitation to seek, to awaken, and to grow into one’s true self… We just are not taught HOW!
Who ever taught us this? That after successfully learning to create life-saving identities and persona’s that these same life-savers would eventually become too small and too tight for our true heart and soul to breathe.
Who ever told us that life was about this? Learning how to open back up and reclaim our big soulful authentic self once the ego-structure was in place and we had the adult capacity to make this next perceptual breakthrough of awakening?
If you could see and realize that taking time out to go in and experience – for yourself – the tools of awakening to your big soulful authentic self is the greatest investment you could ever make for your loved ones and our world, what might your awakened life look like?
The truth I’ve come to see over and over again without exception is this:
Our fears and blocks and times of deepest despair are seeds sprinkled on the ground of life waiting for each of us to say: “There must be something more! ENOUGH! I am going to invest this life in finding out what it means to awaken to life’s richest meaning!”
Now that is a moment of true seeing. That is a moment of awakening. That one “enough” and the “illogical leap of faith” to enter into the mystical discovery of one’s true nature, is the most profound thing you can ever do to answer your questions, heal your wounds, live authentically, and give your gift to the world and those you love!
It is true that we only ever live within each moment now. How and where we spend each moment is what we are investing our life in!
…Perhaps it is time to step out and go in and seek what is truly you, and what is earnestly worthy of your life as its greatest investment. I believe and know that it is your True Self that is your life’s most worthy investment, as well as the greatest honoring you can give back to life, God, and those you most love.
If not now, when?
For the next week, every night write down all the places you invested your time and resources. (Don’t forget TV, alcohol, unfulfilling social engagements, time spent on beauty, shopping etc etc etc). Don’t excuse or rationalize your choices, just remain curious and look. Simply get acquainted with where you are implicitly placing your life’s values by way of your time spent. Don’t judge or rationalize as good/bad, right/wrong. Simply SEE…
Then sit down for 15 minutes or so in a comforting place (a bath might be good), close your eyes, breathe deeply, and ask your mind to go to the background for just a bit so that you can hear from your soul (that inner quiet place). And then simply ask your heart what qualities long to be lived in your life. You aren’t seeking an objective answer. You only need to go inwardly quiet and sense what qualities are longing to be more lived in your life. The seeing and sensing of this simple process is enough to sprout a seedling on your path of wisdom.
copyright ronda larue, 2005