PORTALS TO AWAKENING

Vulnerable Exposé of Personal Life Experiences

 

OK - How did this happen? 

How did I go from 0 to 60 --- and this quickly?! 

This newest next rendition of my SoulArts life work reflects upon the twists and turns that have brought me through life and gifted me with the privilege of discovering my unique calling and life work. 

My personal life trail has lead me - like so many of you with whom I have had the great honor to mentor - through a lot of ups and downs, over and outs! ...All those "worthy teachers" (aka life struggles) hold the keys to our emerging life genius...when we awaken "the eyes to see".

A thread throughout the winding trails and lessons in my life, is an irrefutable direct experience with self-healing, inner peace, and realization of a deeply personal (and universal) spiritual ground that rests in awareness and is alive and on the move in every day, real life.

An aesthetic by nature and a fanatic researcher by training, I've been my own best "lab rat" in a lifelong study into brain chemistry research (quantitative EEG among others) along side nutritional and lifestyle factors, including most every modality of healing (both conventional and alternative, medical and spiritual).  I have read many many hundreds of books and have been a deep student of inquiry, world religion, eastern awakening philosophies, western psychology and mental health research. That said: The best teachers - by far! - have been the places I have most struggled and hurt to understand.

I share a few of those "worthy teachers" here because you'll know many of them too:

 

The Awkward Teen Years and Early 20's:

  • The early awkwardness of feeling "different or outside" the norm;

  • the prickly ledge of early sex and drinking exploits in my early teens;

  • a high school teacher who manipulated confused and seduced me at 16;

  • an attempted rape; 

  • a naively-unprepared-for marriage in my 20's; 

  • the exciting "best and worst of times" in graduate school where I fell headlong into an immoral (and intensely creative) love affair with a married professor. (That one led to cancer biopsy, emotional breakdown, and the end of my chosen PhD academic route). 

 

The early "feel your power" 30's

  • I left the land of Texas tea -- heartbroken and stripped of career -- and headed for Californ-i-a (swimming pools, movie stars).

  • Here I landed a job with an international high tech medical planning think tank up in the hills of Malibu in my early 30's,

  • trained for marathons,

  • and (in an ever so type A kind of way) created a corporate consulting & analysis business of 27 years,

  • while becoming known regionally in Southern California for my large "in your face" social commentary art installations (see Galleries on this site)

...and everything else that goes with the 30-something high paced and often faux sense of mature adulthood (which can only be recognized for what it was not ...in hindsight).

 

The "Is that all there is?" 40's - (and "my Shaman awakening years")

  • I moved to Ojai, continued my consulting for cities and corporations,

  • while significantly stepping up my art and spiritual inquiry,

  • including creating a series of ceramic portraits and private showing with famous ceramic sculptor "Mama of Dada" Beatrice Wood. 

  • ...It was during those hours in the studio in a deeply inward expansion that I catapulted myself right down the rabbit hole of "my shaman awakening years". 

  • This Dark Night of Soul  e v e n t u a l l y blossomed into a mystical opening which I managed to set to pen in the writing account of this bizarre awakening experience in my first book: Remembering Who You Really Are.

  • It was at this time in my late 40's that more and more people began seeking and asking to work with me - a blessing that has evolved into my SoulArts teaching and life work which takes me beyond the limits of self and into the eternal pulse of life.  

 

Heading into 50: "Half a Century Reality Check"

  • When my (then) husband of13 years suddenly unexpectedly died, I was alone in my home and starting over in many ways.

  • A new friendship and home partnership with Matt evolved into new explorations of relationship, intimacy, turning half a century 5 0 years O.L.D. together

  • ...and (OMG) "is it too little too late for us to open to love?" 

  • During this era we saved my step son from a life threatening opiate addiction at the expense of our mortgage and grew in deeper applied spirituality in real life practice.

 

Sexy Surprising 60:

At 60 and after 6 decades of life experience with things that have given me perspective and compassion:

  • health crisis,

  • addiction,

  • death of loved ones,

  • depression/anxiety,

  • big successes 

  • big losses and worries of financial future,

  • being known as a spiritual teacher

  • and very much aware of the shared humility and grace that is the lead in my unique teachings... 

 

I arrive at: a stunning sense of new vitality, calm mind, spunky spirit, compassion (and sorrow) for a crazy lost and lovely species, greater humble potency as spiritual mentor, and finding a gentling into the dance of love in the making.

Why am I writing this? 

Because too many teachers seem to hide the human side of themselves ...and because the humility I share with you has become key to my unique transforming SoulArts process, understanding, and teachings.

Because I am called to walk the talk and live from that which I teach others.

(...And, damn if your own wisdom doesn't come back and bite you - again and again :)

 

I stand for real ...And for me, that 's a highly reverent irreverence (...or is that a lightly irreverent reverence? ...Anyway):  I'm for that which is genuinely grounded, studied and real (not for pretentious piety or new age fundamentalism); I'm for humility; for awe; and for the art of applied paradox as the doorway to true wisdom and understanding (as mystic scientist, Carl Jung realized).

 

My life is my art. And so is yours.

I am here to cast a light on that living artistry (sometimes by way of the dark shadows) onto the gifts that arise from your and my own failures, tragedies and unconscious choices... I am here to help you see in the dark places, the small gold keys of Grace that open the door to a living spirituality: one with personal integrity of heart, in an ever opening and unfolding expression of True Self. 

For those who seek to open the gift and genius of your life 

This is for you. 

 

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spiritual teacher author Rounda LaRue Center for Soul Arts Ojai California
 
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Center For Soul Arts | Ojai, California USA

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